15 Fraught Pick-up Lines to Get You the Relationship You Probably Deserve

‘My love language is stress hives’

2 min readJan 19, 2021

You’re looking decent today!
I will definitely cum in under 11 seconds, and I’ll never, ever, make an attempt to make it not that way.
Do you like pasta salad?
I haven’t taken a complete breath this entire time we’ve been talking, because I’m 96% positive I’m going to shit my pants if I move.
Bleats softly.
I couldn’t help noticing you seem to have low expectations for yourself.
Oh no, it’s not a hickey. It’s a rash. I have a huge rash all over my body.
Leaving voicemail. Hi my last voicemail just got cut off so random hahah so um I don’t know maybe delete it because I had a panic attack for the first 30 seconds and then threw up anyway let me know if you want to go get a beer or if not it’s fine dry heaves but also I’m really lonely and it’s my birthday and all my fish just died okay um if you want call me b —
I hope you like pasta salad.
Do you ever feel like crying until you pass out? Oh yeah same, me neither.
Withdraws harmonica from fanny pack.
I like your eyes and your teeth.
My mom makes the best pasta salad.
Makes VCR rewinding noises while crawling away.
So, anyway, that’s why I can’t rollerblade in public anymore. You like anal?